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Notes on Silence
“When we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” -Audre Lord
Kristina Khodai
November 10, 2024
I believe having the freedom to voice your opinion about your country and government is a privilege that most of us take for granted. I also believe not voicing your opinion in times like this is a privilege. Silence says a lot if you pay attention.
I haven’t spoken or even thought too much about politics since 2020 when President Biden was elected. This isn’t to say that the government has operated perfectly over the past four years; I’ve had plenty of complaints along the way. But it is to say that I didn’t feel like my own rights or the rights of many Americans were being discussed at length by people in power to the point of concern.
The truth is that since Election Day this year, I’ve gone back and forth a lot about what to say and how to say it. I’ve worried that I might make people uncomfortable with my words and feelings. I’ve worried that I won’t be able to explain myself well enough. I’ve worried that I don’t know enough about the things that I want to speak on. I’ve worried about having to have uncomfortable conversations once I say my piece. I realize the reason I’ve had a hard time writing this post is that I cannot write it in good conscious by balancing on the fence or by omitting my personal views. Other people’s comfort isn’t really in my control, and catering to people’s comfort is not what being a writer is about, in my opinion.
Things have changed, and things will continue to change drastically over the next four years. I continue to have a large capacity for empathy and love for my country and community. Part of caring about the things you love is speaking about them and speaking up for them, even if it is just to my tiny group of ten subscribers and couple hundred Instagram followers.
So, I’ll be really clear about my feelings here because I think that’s important — I was and am extremely disappointed by the results of the election. I cannot describe the range of overwhelming emotions I felt when I woke up and saw that Donald Trump will return to the presidential office. I could say a lot about why I think he captured the popular vote and majority of the electoral college, but that’s not what I’m concerned about focusing on at the moment. What I want to focus on is how to move forward in this time.
As I continue to stay informed and rooted in fact, it’s important to note that while feelings are not facts, facts do influence feelings. If you completely remove feelings from every political discussion, things would be a lot more black and white. But because emotion is in human nature and we care about our own values (sometimes more than anything else), the majority of political issues are deeply submerged in grey areas.
Some people will also say that we need to keep politics out of art and writing and books and everyday life. To that, I would say that political themes are and have always been ingrained in art, literature, film, and indeed, everyday life. Whether or not you consciously pick up on it is a different conversation. Some will say that you shouldn’t take politics personally or to take your emotions out of the conversation. To that, I would reiterate my statements above. I also cannot stress this enough: Politics are about policies. Policies affect people. What affects people is inherently personal.
Knowledge is power, silence is loud
I strongly believe that knowledge is one of the truest forms of power, and more so, it is a power that you are in control of. One of the only ways I’ve ever known to move forward is through learning. In the past, I’ve turned to school, books, and research to come to terms with life or to figure out what the next steps are. I feel no differently now.
Mixed in with my usual topics of reading, essays, and poetry, I want to do my best to create a platform that shares knowledge and facts as well. Even though I am just one writer, I believe writing and capturing these times is essential to promoting social justice.
“Changes in ideas and values also result from work done by writers, scholars, public intellectuals, social activists, and participants in social media. It seems insignificant or peripheral until very different outcomes emerge from transformed assumptions about who and what matters, who should be heard and believed, who has rights.”
The quote above comes from just one book I’ve added to my list to read. Another on my list is Your Silence Will Not Protect You by Audre Lord. I came across the following excerpt (an abridged version), and it so perfectly captures how I feel about speaking up about the issues I care about. It also reminds me that you cannot simply opt out of social justice; you are participating whether you speak or not. Life I said, a lot is said in silence.
I was going to die, if not sooner than later, whether I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.
What are the words you do not have yet? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language.
I began to ask each time: “What’s the worst that could happen to me if I tell this truth?” Unlike women in other countries, our breaking silence is unlikely to have us jailed, ‘disappeared’ or run off the road at night. Our speaking out will irritate some people, get us called bitchy or hypersensitive and disrupt some dinner parties. And then our speaking will permit other women to speak, until laws are changed and lives are saved and the world is altered forever.
And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find that you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking.
Building community and bridging gaps in social settings has immense power. One of the worst things you can do in times of divisiveness is to stay in your own bubble and put even more space between yourself and others. I hope I can create a space on this platform and in my life to have open conversations and that anyone reading along steps out of their silences too.
xo, Kristina
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